She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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