ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
