What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
