Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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