well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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