Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
