evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
