I am in a vortex of obligation.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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