hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
