I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
