three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
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Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
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Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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