Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
