I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
