I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
