1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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