Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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