I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
