I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
