I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Someone stole a lamp last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
