Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
