White coat. Heels.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going