After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"