Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
