Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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