Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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