I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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