Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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