I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
