It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
