Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
