peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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