Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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