Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
