So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
But theres a keg here and me gusta
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
