I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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