i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
