I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it glows. i had to have it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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