i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
