i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
