I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
