I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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