you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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