Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
