It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
