I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
