Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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