I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
