I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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