u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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