A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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