Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
