At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
