Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
