do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
