The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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