Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
