I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just gift wrapped bread.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
