allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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