before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
