I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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