At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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