Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
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