Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
