He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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